ive seen what i say about “sucking up” as far as some members not wanting to see a guy who has been fighting, and is really a strong member, and a really nice guy, suffer and go away, because they feel like I am being more demanding…. That just makes my point that the members of the board don’t see me as being “nice”. I’ve had guys leave the forum, who had been on about 2 and 1/2 years, have had people leave in their 50’s and have been in the same situation as me….
I think that if you ask why, you’re asking the wrong question. I don’t think you’re asking, why, people are leaving. People, people all over the world are leaving the forum because of that… Because they get sick of hearing “nice guy” or “lady” and I believe this is a major cause of it. You are in a community where you don’t have the ability to deal with people other than that, to get better and to help other users. This forum is based solely on the idea of sharing ideas and sharing knowledge and this is what causes so many people to leave….
Maybe I’ll put this on my personal blog… In January 2017… the first big wave of the leave was coming… I had a member who had been on the community 3 years, and now had been on for only 2 months, and leaving. He had never been asked to pay anything, and for years, had managed to run an email server of sorts. Then, he went on to say, “I guess I’ll stop giving money now.” He said he could no longer stay because he “can’t handle” what was going on there. Just like me. Then, he left. We never had a big disagreement like this for a long time. And yet, the members of the board began telling me how “nice” he was… He told us how long he went on, how much he had given, how his friends were really very nice and nice… How he even helped us out… He said people in that community could handle that. I’d go to the person, I wouldn’t ask them to buy anything for me, or to give me money, or to give me advice…. This guy had been on here for over a year. I didn’t take it well. I said you guys are telling me I didn’t have the right to get advice with this kind of situation… I actually wanted to help him, to find a way for him to stay… Now he was gone. I told them I was going to “help” the community the best way I knew how, and for the only way I knew how… But then they gave me little things to give them to help with. I would have given more money, and things like this, if they’d actually asked me to do that, than if they just would’ve told me. I was getting so sick of hearing “nice guy” as a reason people were leaving…. That should be another reason why people leave as well.
I also was getting sick of the negativity… and the negativity was growing. After I had been talking with this person for a while, he actually went away for about a month, because he said he got sick of the negativity… I said to him, “Don’t worry about yourself, we are all happy here.” Not like the average member who’s always complaining about how the site doesn’t exist, or how the moderators here don’t have the right to say what they do (something I understand)… But saying that all these sites that you haven’t been to before, and think are nice, all you have to do is become active, and then you will get a happy community. He said no… After a while, he started coming back and then a week ago, he said he wouldn’t come back, and ended up leaving. The same same time I told him I was going to help out the community… and I did so. He is a great guy, and there is such a good community out there… I’m still getting tired of all the negativity.
I’ve said before, I thought the reason I felt so comfortable with the community (and I still feel so comfortable, or at least in my skin at the moment) was because the moderators were there for me…. I was always very patient and kind to them… Always gave them “good points” on my ideas. I thought if I’d treated them better, and respected them more, as I am doing now, I would be able to have a more relaxed relationship. It doesn’t matter how great the ideas are, if someone can’t live with the community being negative, I’ve found that I feel like it “undermines” the concept of the community…. If people can’t feel good about the community being where they are… then that’s just not a good idea.
If I said to you, “Hey man, how about some positive things? It